After 25 years of marriage, I was recently asked a simple but powerful question: What’s the secret to a great marriage?

It’s a fair question. In a world where marriages often struggle under pressure, and couples feel more disconnected than ever, it’s worth pausing to reflect on what truly makes a marriage thrive—not just survive.

My wife and I have raised three incredible young adults and now find ourselves enjoying the empty nest season. And yes, we’re still having fun. But I’ll be the first to tell you: our marriage hasn’t been perfect. It’s been full of grace, patience, and intentional effort. If there’s a “cheat code” to a strong, lasting marriage, I’d say it boils down to two simple, powerful practices:

1. Get really good at forgiving your spouse.

Let’s be honest: a great marriage is built on the foundation of two flawed people who choose to keep loving each other. That means mistakes will happen. Words will be spoken in frustration. Expectations will be missed. But couples who learn the art of forgiveness—who give grace as quickly as they hope to receive it—build trust that lasts a lifetime.

Forgiveness is not about pretending things didn’t hurt. It’s about choosing love anyway. Jesus modeled this kind of grace, and marriage gives us one of the most beautiful opportunities to practice it.

2. Outdo each other in showing honor.

Romans 12:10 says, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

What a powerful principle—especially for marriage. To "outdo" means to go first, to lead the way, to create a culture of honor in your home. Imagine a marriage where each spouse is trying to out-honor the other—not out-argue, out-control, or out-critique—but outdo in kindness and respect.

When you choose to show your spouse honor—through words of appreciation, small acts of service, or genuine encouragement—they feel seen and valued. And when someone feels honored, they are far more likely to reciprocate that same love.

So, is there a secret to a great marriage? I believe there is. It’s not a magic formula, but it is transformational.

Forgive quickly.
Honor often.
Outdo one another in grace and respect.

If you make these two things a regular rhythm in your relationship, your marriage will grow stronger with time.

Let this be a reminder: great marriages don’t happen by accident. They’re built—one act of love, one word of honor, one choice to forgive at a time.